Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Why Seeing People How You See People Is Damaging To Every Relationship

Here's the reoccurring problem I've been noticing in every situation, and even in my own life. 
You ready? Here it is.
Sometimes, we see people through our own eyes. 
Yes. You read that correct. 
Sometimes, we see people how we see people
Let me explain why this error on our part leads to damaged and unsatisfying dating relationships, family relationships, and/or friendships. 

Have you ever not gotten along with someone because they just rub you wrong? 
Girls, come on, I know you can relate to this. 
You just didn't like someone because they were too loud, came off better than you, acted like they knew everything, you thought they were skinnier, prettier, had better hair than you, etc? 
Guys, you're part of this too. 
You can't stand that guy because he always talks about himself, has a negative or bad attitude, thinks he is the greatest athlete ever, or always tries to one up your stories?
Every human on the planet, at one point or another, has had a broken relationship on some aspect of the scale from friend in middle school didn't invite me to his/her birthday party to my heart has been absolutely shattered by a vicious unhealthy relationship/friendship. 

I'm not saying every relationship can be completely forgive and forget (forgiveness is not forgetting, but that's for another post). 
All I'm saying is that there may be hope in how you can revolutionize and recharge the current relationships you are in right now, as well as prepare and learn how to be better at relationships in the future. 

We see people how we see people. 
The problem with this is that our lens with which we view others is, simply put, imperfect. 
Our lens or "filter" if you will, views people only how we see them in comparison to us. 
Often, our lenses are polluted with seeing the flaws in other people, or even our own insecurities which turn to jealousy (the root of all evil). 

Kenneth was preaching one time and something he said resonated with me to my very core. 
He said this, my first piece of advice when interacting with people:

1. "Just because we can see the sin (or flaws) in other people and they can't see ours, doesn't mean we have any right to judge or not love them."

Just because we observe that they have a bad attitude, have poor social skills, sleep with every guy or girl, are mean to everyone but their best friends, or whatever your excuse to not like them may be, doesn't give us any right to treat them differently or without grace or love or compassion. 
The reality is that we have dirt too. 
We have a past. We have habits. 
And just because it may not be visible to the whole world, doesn't mean they don't exist, and in turn, doesn't mean that we are better than any other person. 

This leads me to my second point,

2. Get rid of your dirty lens 

When will this generation of women begin to empower one another and seek to compliment other women in hopes to form deep, lasting, solid friendships? 
When will boys grow into men and start to believe that when men lay down their pride and facades to one another that they truly have the power to change generations to come, the power to change their whole families, communities, and nation? 
Why must there be a filter on our view of people that so grossly convinces us that WE get to choose who is "cool" and "uncool", "worthy" of our friendship and "unworthy" of our time or love?

This is why the way you see people damages the relationships around you.
Slowly but surely in every relationship I have encountered I'm starting to see that the blame game is played all too often! I blame them for being annoying, when in reality the problem is that I see that certain person only by their means to benefit me. 
How sick and twisted?
How selfish. 

I got tired of this type of attitude towards people I know and even people I have never met, and it lead me to this conclusion:

3. Transformation is powerful- no, not in them, in YOU. 

Once I began to pray that God would transform my view on people, He truly did it. 
Even those people who have hurt me for no reason in my book.

The power of praying that God transforms my heart towards a certain person, I have found and experienced, is a far greater progress of healing in my heart than if I pound my head against the wall praying for him/her to change.
Usually, the people you meet and the challenges you face, is God wanting to do something in you
Will you give it a try?
Will you join me in this movement to let God transform the way you view people?
Because, in reality, you have dirt too. 
In reality, you view people through a dirty, selfish lens.
In the end, God is wanting to heal you from those jealous, hate-filled thoughts that bind you up from living a life of love, joy and grace towards all people. 
I promise you, it is much more freeing to see people the way God sees them. 

Will you give it a try?