Wednesday, January 7, 2015

So Long Insecurities!

Happy New Year! Can I still write that being that it's the 7th of January?... Oh well, I did! 
Hope everyone had an AMAZING holiday season! 

I couldn't figure out what my new years resolutions would be or if I would have any, until this one day, something happened and I knew exactly what I wanted to change this year. 
What I'm about to tell you is something not too far from a normal/average day in the life of Ken (unemotional) and I (extremely emotional). 

So the other day I was having a really bad hair day. 
You can tell where this is going... 
Anyways, this day I couldn't do ANYTHING with it, and Ken may have (he totally did) heard me say with frustration that I hated my hair and slam the brush down a couple times from the bathroom.
(Since apparently this is a tell-all post, I'll just go ahead and tell you that one of my biggest insecurities is my hair.) 
I literally got so upset I went into our closet and started organizing it to take my mind off of my hair trauma.
(go ahead and judge, but I know you've had days like this, if you haven't you're lying. Or forgetting. Or something... I swear if I'm the only one...)
Ken stopped whatever he was doing and came in because he knew I was upset.
I was sitting on the floor, messy hair, and a big frown on my face; clothes all around me on the floor. 
He laughed and said... "What are you doing??"
I said in a shaky voice, "I don't like my hair. I'm having a really really bad hair day."
*Cue the tears*
I began to tell him (and cry through it all) that I just can't do anything with it. "Maybe I need to get it colored, maybe I need to get a new conditioner, maybe I just need it cut...."
This lead to him glancing around our room not knowing what to do, and quickly grabbing the book "Walking With God Through Pain and Suffering" by Tim Keller.
He started reading and replacing every sad statistic such as, "children die every day" with "children have bad hair days every day" as I sat and cried/laughed on the floor of our closet. 
After about a solid two minutes of him reading, when I was only laughing, and my tears were half way dried/hardened on my face, he hugged me. 
(husband of the year right here people)

In that moment of hugging, something clicked (besides the fact I just cried to my husband over a bad hair day).
But really. I am so done with insecurities.
I have many insecurities that I just live with. 
I never ever try to put them to death. 
So for this year, my goal is to stare these insecurities in the face, pierce them in the heart, and get rid of them! 
So often we as women just live with insecurities and let them rule our lives and emotions.
This day, my hair triggered it, other days, it may be seeing a woman all done up in the grocery store when I'm in my yoga pants, big sweatshirt, and a ball cap.

This year, and every year, I refuse to let my insecurities take hold of me. 
If I'm having a bad hair day, who cares? That's life! (Low-bun-kind-of-day it is!)
When I start to wonder if I'm a good enough wife or DO enough, I'll tell myself the truth that I am enough, I do enough, and that each day I am still in the learning process of being a wife-- I've never done this before! How could I possibly think I could be perfect at it?

And those are just a few to name!
I want to be the best me that God has created and called me to. 
I don't want to let my insecurities hinder me from that. 
I want to live confidently, the way I was created to live, and know that God made me the way he made me for a reason!
I may not see it some days, but I'm making a choice to see my imperfections, as uniqueness.
I choose to revel in the truth that I don't have to have it all together, and to start loving myself for who I am, what I do, and where I'm at in life.

What are your resolutions? What are your goals? 
Will you take the plunge with me to pierce your insecurities too?